Survival....

The tube light kept flickering in his cabin. He had removed all his personal things including the mask, a colleague got him from Nepal. The walls in his cabin were stripped of all the frills. Only the nails remained. He was ready . There were no memories. No tears. No regrets. People around him had already started looking like strangers. There was a spiral staircase. Going up. He had stopped using that. Stopped going up. Last time he did, noxious fumes hanging in the air nearly killed him. As he gasped for breath, he saw shapeless figures floating around. Some of them lay on the ground, coiled up like snakes. The place was crawling with snakes and cockroaches-hissing together. Within minutes, they were all over him. He was dying. As he tried to fight back, he saw the laughing hyenas slowly surrounding him. Waiting for him to die. Waiting to pounce on the dead caracas. Feast on his rotten flesh. . A huge vulture was pecking furiously at his stomach, trying to dig out the entrails. And then suddenly he slipped down the spiral staircase. He was bleeding. Stings of cockroaches and snakebites had nearly disfigured him.

That was sometime ago. He had managed go survive. But the scars remained. He touched them. They didn't hurt anymore. Wounds had healed. He picked up his bag. His car keys. Opened the glass door. Stepped out of the building. Turned around to see it for one last time. It had disappeared. He started walking......

Finally I faced the demon, ,

it had been stalking me..for days now,

could hear the footsteps,

felt its hot, rancid breath in the room,

I would get up, look under the bed,

pull down the curtains,

run all around...

Wanted to confront it, wanted to see its face.

And finally I met my demon...

this time I did not hear the footsteps,

it had tiptoed in and stood in front of me,

I gripped the broken lampshade,

flung at it...

I smashed the mirror...

The room......

Me and my laptop. And memories sharing my bed. Nothingness- a void. I sing, I talk to myself and I dream. I cry, I laugh, all by myself. Alcohol to numb my feelings, my senses. People get busy, memories fade..the bed turns into a coffin... I die....

Discarded dreams, fall off the shelves, while dusting. They are swept off and dumped into the garbage bin. My body was removed yesterday..perhaps buried or burnt...did not matter. It was lifeless. It felt no pain.

I had occupied the room, the bed... for years. Now the room is being cleaned. Fresh bedspread is being spread.. Some even suggested to paint the room-to get rid of that stale smell of death..... All done ! Its now ready for a new occupant......

Dead Ants.......

Those tables are still there,

and chairs,

those empty cups,

some broken glasses,

a few empty bottles

those empty divans,

covers of the sofa - faded, corners torn....

no one sits on them anymore,

empty bed, stares blankly,

cobwebs hang loosely over the bedlamps,

dead ants litter the floor,

spiders, crawl out of some empty bottles

stale smell of nicotine hangs in the air,

burnt ciggarette ends overflow the ashtray...

if you listen carefully, press you ears against those

dark, damp walls,

you can hear laughter, songs...

voices arguing over R.D. Burman , Coen brotrhers,

Satyajit Ray and Marxists

Is BJP communal, or Congress secular ?

faces have disappeared,

voices remain....

weak rays of the sun, struggle to get through the dark window panes,

a broken guitar, some unfinished paintings, lay scattered,

no one lives here anymore...

Eternal rebel (A tribute to Nazrul)

I am reckless, I am ruthless, cruel, the savage

I follow no rules, no rule books, I am the judge and I am the jury,

like those frenzied waves, that unbridled, insane tornado, I seek vengeance....

bring in the dark clouds, time to feel the tempest...

I am the burning sun, lungs filled with hate and anger, I spit out lava, destroying life in its path....

....

I'm the night, its gentle breeze, sound of a flute, an angel's smile

first ray of sun, shade of the tree, I'm the shepherd,

rainbow, after the storm....

I am your tears and I am your smile,

I am the flower that blooms at night

I am the sound of trinkets...

....

I am deluge, avalanche,

blizzard, blinding hailstorm

the falcon, a serpent who waits...

...

a deer, dancing in the woods,

whispers of the ruffling leaves

music of the flowing stream

a cupid's arrow....

And then...I am the...

spear lunging to kill,

a leaping inferno , hellfire.

Lucifer, lord of the netherworld.

......

I am the first shower,

first day of spring,

the butterfly with rainbow in its wings,

I am the first love

the first kiss on your lips....

.....

I am that ferocious, feral, brutal barbarian,

I tear apart the universe with my bare fangs,

I am life's eternal hell,

I challenge God to the game of death...

My imagination ?

Shadows run across my room ,

I try to touch them, shadows,

they run from one room to the other,

they lie down by my side,

I try to touch them....the shadows..

they play with me..

my only companions,

in the vast empitness of my room....

Every night I return to my shadows,

they wait for me...quietly....

Come a long distance...One day I just decided to move and moved on...That desire for chasing my dream or some quest made me move again..Once again, I perched my tent, unpacked my belongings and tried to settle down..But as I began, unpacking, I realised, something has gone missing....What ? I have no fucking clue !!!
I tried ..I really did..but, somehwhere, I went wrong..Where ?? I keep asking myself...cannot find the answer. Dreams are still there..where they were, in your mind, when you go to sleep...But, every night, emptiness tip toe in. I stare into a void. I get sucked into an abyss..I have become a stranger in my own world...I stare into the mirror...it demands an answer..and I have none..
aaina mujse meri paheli si surat mange
mere apne meri hone ki nishani maange
mein bhatakata hi raha dard ke viraane mein
waqt likhta raha chehere pe har pal ka hisab